Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize