Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
