he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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