I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
