Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
