you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
