I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Green mimosas i think yes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize