Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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