You're my little dorito
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
