We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
