their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
