Can i not drive my cunt home
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
