Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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