Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
