If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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