literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
