So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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