There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
