U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
honey bunches of taint.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
