If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
