I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
