Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize