So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
