put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
