i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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