she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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