Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
wanna go halves on a baby?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
