A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need to calm my uterus...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
