She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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