I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
