What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
