i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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