there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
