apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
