It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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