she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
