So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
