awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
