He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
