i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
