Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
