Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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