Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
