meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
