Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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