Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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