I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
