I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
