i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
