my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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