i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
