Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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