I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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