I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
