Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
