Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
