so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize