Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
