my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
