Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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