Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
