Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
