I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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