i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
