The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
