I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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