she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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