So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
