I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
