Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
