i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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