i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
