Princesses don't give blow jobs
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
